9.5.2022
Not much to say today. Nonetheless, I wanted to make it clear that I am here. As long as these words exist somewhere out there, so do I.
Not Quite Eternally,
Malice
9.4.2022
It's so nice to be home again!
I spent the weekend at my girlfriend's parents' place, watching their dogs. It was such a lovely time! We watched a lot of movies, spent a lot of time petting the puppies, and I even found some free books at the side of the road! Considering this is the last weekend before classes start back up again, it was a much needed break.
The process of moving content from the labyrinth that is my old blog to this new space has had me thinking about reworking a lot of The Weston House. Considering I was very unhappy with its previous state, I'm very excited to do some much needed narrative surgery. Right now, the first chapter is on the site as a WIP, something that is probably a terrible idea but that I am going to do anyways. In all honesty, the whole of The Weston House is very much a WIP, and will continue to be for as long as it's hosted here. I don't think anyone's going to notice nor care, but it's still worth mentioning.
(To be completely clear, I don't aim to degrade myself with that remark. As thrilled as I am by the idea of anyone reading or connecting to my silly little stories, I doubt it will really happen. Ultimately, that's fine. I don't write these things with the expectation of others running up to me and thanking me profusely for solidifying the nuanced complexities of human emotion into something both cathartic and entertaining, that's just the powdered fantasy I snort to get my ego's rocks off in the morning.)
Getting back on topic, I'm delighted to be home. My computer is here, and through that digital portal I am able to throw the fruits of my rather self-indulgent labour into the public static void. It's nice to get away for awhile, but it's even nicer to come back.
With Ecstatic Pleasantries,
Malice
P.S. If you'd like to thank me profusely for solidfying the nuances complexities of human emotion into something both cathatric and entertaining, please do so. My desire for recognition needs to be fed regularly or else it holds the rest of me hostage.
9.1.2022
I'm failing my classes.
Or, more accurately, I'm middling. I finally checked my grades after intentionally avoiding them for several months. Fortunately, there were much fewer actual failings than expected. Unfortunately, the Cs and Ds are starting to stack up. As a former A and B student, this is kind of a blow.
It's my fault, obviously. This is the result of my own actions. Still, something feels so cruel about it. I used to be so full of ambition. I started college at 16, scrambling my way out of a collapsing nest. It's been seven years since then. With each semester, I grow further and further from that bright eyed, capable self who accomplished so much with so little help. What does one do when they grow in on themself instead of blooming?
I didn't end up going to the concert yesterday. I hurt my ankle walking to the bus stop for work, and standing for that long a time was not going to help. More importantly, I told someone "no." I have a lot of trouble with that. The minute I see that someone else needs something, or wants something, or would benefit from having something, I dissolve. I need to help. I can't handle the thought of their disappointment. Needless to say, this was a big step for me. I do wish I had it in me to celebrate.
It's 9 am as I write this. The day has yet to even begin. Hopefully I will weather the rest of this well.
With Great Appreciation,
Malice
8.31.2022
I'm going to a Mountain Goats concert today! I was a bit caught off guard by this news, as I'd entirely forgotten we had tickets. Still, it's a wonderful opportunity. The last time I went to a Mountain Goats concert, the vibration of the bass made me so sick that I had to leave early. Hopefully this time will go a lot better!
Development on the website continues apace. I'd like to give this diary some sort of pagination, but that requires a much higher understanding of HTML than what I have at the moment. Still, I'm choosing to believe in myself here. Admittedly, I wish I could stay inside and continue working on this little digital home of mine, but I need to push myself to go outside more.
There are many more things I'd like to say, but quite frankly, we don't have that kind of relationship yet. Whoever you are, I hope you will pardon my discretion. Surely we will learn to love each other soon.
With Sincerest Regards,
Malice